Healing from Childhood Trauma

Translated Writings from the 12-step program for survivors of childhood trauma and dysfunctional families

ACADF materials and concepts can serve as a helpful tool for understanding and articulating the effects of childhood traumas and losses during therapy. In other words, it’s not necessary for you to attend ACADF meetings in order to benefit from this page. Other resources available at Open Session Space for resolving trauma include the powerful tool of Heart-Centred Hypnotherapy.

If you’re feeling put-off by the name of this program, please read on.

The writings on this page have been TRANSLATED, offering a non-judgemental reframe of ACADF’s original languaging, from “sick” parents to “wounded” parents who may not have been able to meet our needs as children, or traumatic experiences and events that have otherwise interrupted normal, healthy development of personal and social identity, life and relationship patterns. The name of the program itself is currently under review and a new name is in the works.

Core Texts Read at Each ACADF Meeting

WELCOME

The fellowship of ACADF brings together members of other recovery groups to address the common root of addictions, maladaptive life and relationship patterns. The term “Adult Child” is used to describe adults who sustained childhood losses, traumatic environments or events. The group includes adults raised in homes with and without the presence of alcohol or drugs. Our fellowship shares in common the presence of identified traits, or effects of wounding in our families of origin.

These traits and all our readings have been identified, compiled, and composed by and for Adult Children. This program embraces and companions the difficult task of trauma work, which can often lead to “an exciting journey to the Inner Child or True Self. Along with sponsorship, we encourage informed counseling to help the adult child accomplish the greatest level of emotional healing” from childhood loss and trauma.

THE PROBLEM

“Many of us found that we had come to feel isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people-pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat.” We discovered maladaptive relationship patterns in common, subconsciously “fulfilling our old patterns of abandonment.”

“Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving in to others. Thus, we became reactors, rather than actors, letting others take the initiative. We were terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned again, physically or emotionally. Yet we kept choosing [insecure relationships] because they matched our childhood [environment, relationships, and experiences].

“We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, [subconsciously] preferring constant upset to workable relationships. This is a description, not an indictment.”

THE SOLUTION

“The solution is to become your own loving parent.

“As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carryovers from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood confusion and emotional responses. You will recover the child within you,

“The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.

“This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God.

“This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the meetings; we use the telephone. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to [rewire our relationship with ourselves] one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.

“By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.

“You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We will love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you to accept us just as we accept you.

“This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with your Higher Power, your Self, and your parents.”

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families

THE LAUNDRY LIST
Traits of Adult Children

We became isolated and [ultimately] afraid of people and authority figures.
We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.  
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.  
[In our relationships and friendships, we subconsciously and compulsively recreate our old patterns of abandonment.]  
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.  
We became addicted to excitement.  
We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”  
We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).  
We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.  
We will [often] do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with people who could not be there emotionally for us.  
Adult Children are reactors rather than actors.

THE PROMISES
Markers of recovery:

We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.  
Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.  
Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.  
Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.  
As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and  become more tolerant of weaknesses.  
We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.  
We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.  
Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.  
Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.
With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our [old and subconscious] behaviors.
Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we will learn to expect the best and get it.